Beyond Survival - The Therapy Podcast with Katie McKenna
This podcast is for anyone who grew up in a dysfunctional or narcissistic family system and now finds themselves stuck in patterns of people-pleasing, anxiety, or unhealthy relationships. Each episode offers real-world insight into trauma recovery, relationships, boundaries, nervous system healing, and reconnecting to your true self. Whether you're just starting your healing journey or looking to deepen it, you're welcome here, just as you are.
Episodes
If You Knew Me Would You Love Me? - with Irish psychologist A.J. Cosgrave
In this episode, I speak with Irish psychologist and author A.J. Cosgrave about her deeply personal book, If You Knew Me Would You Love Me?, and her experience of living with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder.DID is a condition that is often misunderstood, sensationalised, or reduced to the way it is portrayed in films and television. A.J.’s stor
The FOG: When Guilt Makes the Decisions for You (S7 Ep.3)
Guilt is a natural emotional response. It can tell us when we've done something that doesn't align with our values and prompt us to repair, take responsibility and make things right.But when guilt becomes excessive, it can become a heavy burden — creating an overwhelming sense of expectation and responsibility that isn't actually yours to carry.In this final episode of the FOG — Fea
The FOG: Why Do I Feel Responsible for Everyone Else? (S7 Ep.2)
Why saying no can feel selfish, even when you're exhausted from putting everyone else first.If you grew up with an emotionally immature, narcissistic, or emotionally abusive parent, you may have learned early that other people's needs come before your own.That learned sense of obligation can follow you into adulthood — shaping your relationships, parenting, boundaries and decisions. And
The FOG: When Fear Follows You into Adulthood (S7 Ep.2)
For anyone who experienced a childhood in which emotional safely or physical safety weren't consistent, stable and predictable, Fear, Obligation and Guilt — will be the dominant emotions controlling their behaviour and decision making.In this episode, I focus on Fear and how The FOG keeps adult children stuck in survival mode, and why fight, flight, freeze and fawn becomes our automatic respo
Am I a Bad Daughter for Not Wanting to Care for My Mother? (S6 Ep.10)
What happens when you realise your relationship with your mother has been shaped by emotional parentification, enmeshment, and emotional abuse?In this week’s letter, a 48-year-old woman shares how much of her identity and behaviour was shaped around managing her mother’s needs. After setting boundaries and working through childhood trauma in therapy, she begins to recognise the familiar cycle of g
A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing (S6 Ep.9)
A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing – When Your Mother Won't Protect You "I always thought my mom was the softer, kind parent.""She would tell me to just ignore it, or apologise"After finally setting boundaries with her abusive stepfather, this weeks listener faces a painful new reality: her mother still refuses to acknowledge the harm she experienced and instead pressures her
Am I Mad For Even Wanting to Try? (S6 Ep.8)
How do I build and maintain a boundaried relationship with narcissistic parents?Or am I mad for even wanting to try?This week, a listener asks: What happens when the parents who hurt you are finally trying — but still fall back into the same old patterns?After years of being parentified, emotionally manipulated, and punished whenever she tried to assert her independence – this weeks listener went
Am I The Only One? (S6 Ep.7)
"I feel stupid for tolerating it for so long"This week's listener grew up in a narcissistic evangelical family where religion was used to justify fear, control and abuse. As the eldest child, she became a high-achiever, believing that self-sacrifice and obedience were the keys to love and acceptance.Decades later, after her sister disclosed childhood sexual abuse by their father, ev
Does Illness Change Everything? (S6 Ep.6)
When you finally find the strength to go no contact with abusive parents, it can feel like the hardest decision you'll ever make. But what when of those parents becomes seriously ill?This week we hear from a listener who spent decades trying to make sense of life with a covertly narcissistic mother and an enabling father before choosing to protect herself and her own family through estrangeme
Narcissism or Neurodivergent? (S6 Ep.5)
What happens when the behaviours that hurt you look similar to traits associated with autism or ADHD?Where is the line between someone struggling because they're neurodivergent and someone causing harm through narcissistic patterns?In this episode, we explore the important differences between intention, impact, empathy, accountability, and "own agenda" behaviour. We also talk about
Emotional Eating (S6 Ep4)
For many children raised by narcissistic parents, their body becomes another battleground where they learn that who they are is never quite acceptable. Too thin? There's a problem.Too heavy? There's a problem.Trying to improve yourself? That's a problem too." I always felt that I disappointed my parents and they didn't like me.""I always went from chunky to super
When The Veil Finally Drops (S6 Ep.3)
In this episode, Katie & Ruth hear from a listener in the "raw stages of estrangement" – navigating the grief, fear, and disorientation that can come when the reality of a dysfunctional family system finally comes into focus.After years of minimising and carrying the impact of her father's emotional abuse, aggression, and physical violence – everything changed when that same beh
Should I Go To Therapy with my Narcissistic Parent? (S6 Ep.2)
What happens when the parent who always refused accountability finally agrees to therapy?In this episode, Ruth and Katie explore the complex realities of dysfunctional family systems, the difference between reconciliation and repair, the risks and potential benefits of family therapy with a narcissistic or emotionally immature parent, and we delve deep into the pressure many adult children face to
How Narcissistic Parents use Abandonment as a Method of Control (S6 - Ep.1)
"Do as I say and you can stay. Piss me off and you are out."That was the message our listener received throughout her childhood.In this powerful letter, she reflects on growing up with a mother who repeatedly used the threat of abandonment to maintain control — leaving her with severe anxiety, a deep fear of rejection, and the sense that love could be withdrawn at any moment.Now a parent
Behind Closed Doors: Recognising Coercive Control (S5 - Ep.10)
In this week episode, I’m joined by Michelle from ADAPT Domestic Abuse Services for a vital conversation about domestic abuse and coercive control:How it can look in real lifeWhy it can be so hard to recognise when you’re inside itand what support can make possible.Michelle brings years of frontline experience supporting women experiencing domestic abuse through outreach, education, family law cou
Can I Trust Myself (S5 Ep.9)
If you’ve ever wondered, “Am I overreacting, or was that not okay?” — this episode is for you.For many survivors of narcissistic abuse, the question “Can I trust my own perception?” sits quietly at the centre of healing — shaping how you think, feel, and relate to yourself and others.In this episode, I shift the focus away from analysing the narcissist and bring it back to you — your internal worl
Is it me – Am I The Problem? (S5 Ep.8)
In this solo episode, I dive deep into the fear so many people carry after narcissistic abuse: Is it me – Am I The problem? When you’ve spent years being blamed, criticised, or made responsible for someone else’s behaviour, it’s so common to question yourself deeply. But there’s a huge difference between being human and being narcissistic.In this episode I'll explore how many survivors swing
ADHD: "I thought this was just who I am" - An Interview with Dr. Sarah Carthy (S5 Ep.7)
ADHD is something many people have heard of. You may know someone who has been diagnosed. You may already have a diagnosis, or maybe you’ve quietly wondered if it could explain parts of your life that have always felt harder than they should.For a lot of people, the story sounds like this: “This is just me. I’m scattered. I’m forgetful. I start things and don’t finish them. I’m bad at routines.”An
The Faces of Narcissism - An Interview with Dr. Rachna Buxani (S5 Ep.6)
Adult children of narcissists parents often struggle to name what happened to them.In this episode, I’m joined again by Dr. Rachna Buxani, and we’re exploring the different faces of narcissism — and why it can be so hard to recognise. While many people can spot the grandiose narcissist — the constant need to be the centre of attention, the arrogance, the lack of empathy — it’s the other, quieter f
An Interview with Kristin Morgan (S5 Ep.5)
Becoming a mother is often spoken about as a time of softness. A time where a mother is held, supported, celebrated. Where care naturally gathers around her.But for many adult children of narcissistic parents, pregnancy and having their own children can feel like the exact opposite.Instead of support, there can be intrusion.Instead of care, there can be control.Instead of being seen, there can be
Why Narcissistic Abuse is So Hard To Recognise (S5 Ep.4)
When you’re raised by a narcissistic parent, the harm doesn’t come labelled as abuse. It comes wrapped in concern, protection, closeness, and sacrifice. “This is for your own good.” “I’m only saying this because I love you.” Over time, these messages don’t just justify the behaviour — they shape how you understand yourself.In this episode, I unpack one of the most confusing and painful questions f
Healthy Anger vs Narcissistic Rage (S5 Ep.3)
There is such a thing as Healthy Anger — but if you grew up around narcissistic rage, that can feel hard to believe.In this solo episode, I untangle the belief many adult children of narcissistic parents carry: the learned belief that anger is dangerous, destructive, or something to fear within yourself. When anger was only ever modelled as explosive outbursts or cold withdrawal, it makes sense th
The Enabling Parent (S5 Ep.2)
Anyone listening to an abusive parent in action can easily interpret the other parent’s silence as safety. Because they don’t join in, they can appear to be “the good parent” — the one who feels more trustworthy, more stable, more protective.But silence in these dynamics is rarely neutral.In this episode, I explore the often-overlooked role of the passive or non-abusive parent — and how their inac
Sex & Intimacy - An Interview with Grace Alice OShea (S5 Ep.1)
When you grow up in a narcissistic family, you don’t get the space to become yourself. Your wants are dismissed, your needs are overlooked, and your boundaries are annihilated. So in healing, we’re not just recovering — we’re learning who we are for the first time.One part of identity that often gets left out of this conversation is sexuality and desire.For many people, this area is deeply impacte
How do I support my siblings, without losing myself? (S4 Ep.10)
When raised in a narcissistic system, sibling bonds can become both a lifeline and a source of deep emotional strain. In todays letter, we discuss the often unspoken dynamic of sibling abuse, trauma bonding, family roles, addiction, and the emotional toll of being the cycle breaker. Ruth and I explore what happens when one sibling begins the healing journey — setting boundaries, going no contact,
Golden Child vs Scapegoat (S4 Ep.9)
This week a listener describes what it was like to grow up largely invisible and also scapegoated, while their older sister held the role of the golden child. With a covertly narcissistic mother and an overtly narcissistic father, achievements, independence, and curiosity were mocked rather than celebrated, while approval always seemed just out of reach. Praise was offered to strangers, but rarely
When is enough, enough? (S4 Ep.8)
Did I do the right thing? Am I being unreasonable?This week we hear from a listener who grew up with a controlling father who monitored finances, belittled her mother, mocked her intelligence, and ruled the house with, “If you live under my roof, you do as I say.” She became the responsible daughter. The fixer. The emotional support system. The one who stayed close.After decades of being pulled in
People-Pleasing as Survival (S4 Ep7)
In this episode, we’re exploring The Fawn response through the experience of a listener who grew up in a home shaped by addiction, conflict and emotional unpredictability.With siblings who needed significant care, he learned very early that the safest way to exist was to be low maintenance. Mature. Independent. No trouble. He became highly attuned to other people’s moods — scanning faces, tracking
Am I Overreacting? Was It Really That Bad? (S4 Ep.6)
If you grew up with a parent who rewrote history, denied conversations that clearly happened and turned every attempt at repair into an explosion… this episode is for you.In this episode of Beyond Survival – The Therapy Podcast, I read a listener’s story about going low contact, then no contact, after years of gaslighting, DARVO, and emotional manipulation. We explore the role of the enabling pare
Does life get more peaceful when they die? (S4 Ep5)
A listener writes in with a question that many people carry quietly (and can often feel ashamed for even thinking)Does life get more peaceful when they die?This listener was adopted into a family where love was conditional and pain was reframed as devotion. A father who minimised abuse as “loving too much.” A mother whose behaviour ruined milestones. Public humiliation at her wedding. Health crise
When abuse feels familiar (S4 Ep4)
In this episode, we hear from a 44-year-old listener whose role as “the strong one” began far too early. Raised in the 80s as the eldest of four children to unmarried parents, she grew up learning to stay quiet, stay alert, and stay responsible. With a hard-working, emotionally absent, father and a mother she had to tiptoe around, she was placed into the role of parent long before she had the chan
The Impact of a Critical Mother (S4 Ep3)
In this episode, we read a letter from a listener who has spent her life being criticised by her mother — called “stupid,” shamed about her body, and told she was a mistake. When she shared the news of her engagement, her mother ignored her for a week. When she tried to express how hurt she felt, she was accused of “looking for trouble” and acting as if she thought she was better than everyone els
Fighting For My Truth (S4 Ep2)
In this episode we hear from a listener who has navigated years of emotional turmoil within her blended family.After a life-threatening childbirth, she faced ongoing manipulation, smear campaigns, and boundary violations from her mother-in-law, who sided with her husband’s ex and sought to control their family. This powerful story explores the exhaustion of protecting your marriage and family whil
The Cost of Emotional Safety (S4 Ep1)
When you leave a narcissistic family system, the separation rarely ends with you. Often, it comes with a quiet guilt for the sibling left behind - and for the children who loved the version of the family you worked so hard to preserve.In this week’s episode, we reflect on a letter from a listener who shares the painful complexity of this experience. For ten years, she helped her children see the g
Perfectionism - An Interview with Claire Fealy (S3 Ep10)
Perfectionism can look like competence, control, or high standards, but what often hides underneath is a survival strategy.In this conversation, I’m joined by, Podcast Host & Mindset Coach, Claire Fealy to explore how perfectionism hides in plain sight - in our work, relationships, bodies, and inner worlds. We talk about how perfectionism develops as protection, how it keeps us stuck in self-
'Narcissistic Father' - An interview with Dr. Rachna Boxani-Mirpuri (S3 Ep9)
In this episode, I’m joined by psychologist and author Dr Rachna Buxani, whose book Unseen: A Therapist’s Reflection on a Daughter’s Journey Through a Narcissistic Father’s Shadow.Together, we explore what happens when a father’s love feels more like control than care?We discuss the impact of growing up in emotional silence, the silent erosion of self-trust, and how a child learns to survive by di
An Interview with Dr. Natalie Fabert (S3 Ep8)
In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Natalie Fabert to explore a question I often return to: What if a narcissistic family system operates like a cult?When we hear the word cult, it can conjure images of something extreme, distant, or dramatic, something that happens to other people. But what if a cult simply describes a system. A system where one person’s reality becomes the only acceptable reality
Why Do I React This Way? The Wounds & Their Roots (S3 Ep7)
In this episode, I explore the trauma responses many of us developed just to survive childhood and why they still show up in our adult lives. I’ll break down the main trauma responses, the core wounds they originate from, and how these patterns are shaped by growing up with narcissistic parents.I’ll also walk you through the four types of narcissistic parents and how each one impacts a child’s ner
Narcissistic Parentification (S3 Ep6)
This week, I'm unpacking one of the most common yet misunderstood experiences for adult children of narcissistic abuse: Narcissistic Parentification. I’ll walk through the different roles the children are cast into; Scapegoat Child, Golden Child, Enmeshed / Gilded Child, The Invisible Child, and how these roles profoundly shape your relationships, boundaries, identity, and sense of self today
Instrumental Parentification (S3 Ep5)
In today’s episode, I'm diving into Instrumental Parentification — a dynamic where a child becomes the household’s “mini Cinderella.” They’re the ones cooking, cleaning, managing bills and appointments, caring for siblings, or even being conditioned into the role of caregiver for an ill family member.We’ll explore how these adult-sized responsibilities shape a child’s sense of self, and how t
Emotional Parentification (S3 Ep4)
In this solo episode, I’m diving into the topic of parentification — what it looks like, how to recognise it, and why naming your experience is the essential first step toward healing.Before we can deconstruct and dismantle the roles and patterns we grew up with, we need the language to understand what truly happened to us. I’ll be sharing real, relatable examples to help you spot the subtle and n
Enmeshment - An Interview with Dr. Ken Adams (S3 Ep3)
In today’s episode, we dive deep into the complex topic of enmeshment—what it is, how it forms, and what healthyfamily patterns actually look like. We explore the journey of emancipation: how to recognise the conditioned roles you were assigned in childhood and, most importantly, how to break free from them.Joining us is Dr. Ken Adams, renowned national lecturer, workshop leader, and consultant sp
An Interview with Dr. Christine Cocchiola (S3 Ep2)
“I started this work at the age of 19. I was a child abuse advocate, a sexual abuse advocate, a domestic violence advocate, a therapist — and yet, I didn’t know it was happening to me.”Dr. Christine Cocchiola is a leading expert on the experience of adult and child victims of coercive control. But even with all her knowledge and training, she found herself living inside the very dynamic she’d dedi
People-Pleasing / Fawning (S3 Ep1)
Solo Episode - This week on Beyond Survival – The Therapy Podcast, I’m unpacking the truth behind people pleasing. So often we think of it as a habit or personality trait - but in reality, it’s a deeply ingrained survival response. When a child grows up in dysfunction, their nervous system learns that safety comes from centering others and erasing themselves. This fawning response isn’t about bein
How do I let go of all the rage? (S2 Ep10)
This week a listener asks a question: How do I let go of all the rage? After years of no contact with her abusive family, she’s exhausted by how much power the past still has over her present. She doesn’t want revenge or empty apologies - she just wants peace. But how do you move forward when there will never be justice? In this episode, we explore what rage really is beneath the surface, why it c
Living on High Alert (S2 E9)
This week, I read a letter from a listener who’s been no contact with her mother for two years - but still feels like she’s living with her shadow.Every bark of the dog, every knock at the door, sends her body into high alert. Even something as simple as checking the mailbox feels dangerous. Myself and Dr. Ruth Callaghan will explore what it’s like when no contact doesn’t bring peace, and how our
The Trap (S2 E8)
Question - "I'm never going to find her easy but how do I regulate after exposure to her?"In this episode, we hear from a listener - an only child - who has spent a lifetime navigating exhaustion, guilt, and confusion in her relationship with her aging mother.Her mother calls her “my everything,” professes deep love, yet never asks about her life or family. Instead, she elicits prom
When a Mother Can’t Let Go (S2 E7)
This week, we read a powerful letter from a listener whoasks myself and Dr. Ruth Callaghan the question: "How do I decide whether or not to go no contact? I can't seem to spend time with them that doesn't involve drama?"The listener describes growing up with a mum who seemed caring on the surface — "never shouting, just nagging, crying and hounding me, until she gets her o
Learning to Trust Love (S2 Ep6)
Trigger Warning: Sexual AbuseQ "What I’m currently struggling with is this pattern I have where if there is a pause in our physical intimacy due to life stress or other circumstances I feel incredibly afraid and triggered into feeling worthless and think our relationship is doomed."In this deeply moving episode, we explore the lasting impact of childhood trauma on even the healthiest adu
Can she change? (S2 Ep5)
These weeks listener asks these 3 questionsIs it unrealistic to expect her to change?How do I get her voice out of my head that I’m in the wrong? Have others found a way to be in a relationship with a mother with narcissistic tendenciesListen as Ruth & Katie unpack these questions and what they really mean for your healing, your boundaries, and your sense of self.Follow Ruth on TikTokFollow Ru
Responsibility, Triggers and Fears (S2 E4)
How do we learn to parent, or even reparent ourselves, if we never had a model of healthy parenting? In this week’s episode, we explore three powerful themes: our responsibility as parents, how to navigate our own triggers, and whether it’s really possible to “overlove” a child and risk raising a narcissist. We also share some of our own fears and struggles, and offer practical, tangible advice on
Is There Hope with My Enabling Parent? (S2 E3)
This week’s listener has worked hard to build a life where she feels confident, loved, and free to be herself. But when she begins to hold her boundaries, her mother shows her true colours and the cracks in the family dynamic become impossible to ignore. Her enabling father seems to make attempts at connection, but the question remains: How do you confront parents about the pain they’ve caused, wi
Toxic Guilt: Why it still feels like my fault (S2 Ep2)
Toxic guilt is that heavy, misplaced guilt that convinces us we’ve done something wrong, even when we haven’t. It’s one of the hardest legacies of childhood trauma, and it can follow us into adulthood, shaping how we see ourselves and our relationships.In this episode of Beyond Survival, I read a letter from a listener who grew up in a large Irish family that looked perfect from the outside but wa
The Fixer’s Trap (S2 Ep1)
In series 2 of Beyond Survival – The Therapy Podcast, I’m joined by Dr. Ruth Callaghan where we explore two powerful listener questions.First, how can you be a better parent when you’ve grown up as a “fawn type” people-pleaser, and why do your underlying motivations matter so much? Then, we dive into the challenge of managing intrusive, compulsive thoughts - the constant urge to help, fix, or resc
Ep.10- 'Breaking The Cycle' with Maggie Nick
This week I’m joined by Maggie Nick, a recovering burned-out overachiever, people-pleaser, perfectionist, pushover, and shape-shifting chameleon, what she calls a Recovering Good Kid. Now a trauma therapist, parenting expert, and cycle-breaking mother, Maggie knows firsthand what it’s like to grow up as “the one nobody ever needed to worry about.” For years, she thought her perfectionism and peopl
Ep.9- What do I need?
When you grow up in a dysfunctional family system, you are conditioned to silence your needs to keep the peace, avoid conflict, or gain approval. Over time, it can feel impossible to even recognise what you truly want or need. In this solo episode, I discuss how that conditioning takes root, how to start recognising the needs you’ve been taught to ignore, and how to meet them in ways that feel saf
Ep.8- Relentless Whispers
In this solo episode, I explore the relentless whispers of the inner critic - that constant, internal voice that undermines, judges, and shames. I delve into where it comes from, how it develops (especially in childhood), and what function it might have served. Most importantly, I share practical ways to challenge, quiet, and reduce its power so you can start relating to yourself with more compass
Ep.7- 'The Cult of Family' with Daniella Mestyanek Young
The Cult of Family explores the reality of growing up in a narcissistic system that demands silence, obedience, and self-erasure.In this episode, I sit down with Daniella, a scholar of cults, extreme groups and extremely bad leadership, who also brings her own lived experience of being raised in a cult. Together, we unpack the unsettling parallels between cults and narcissistic families; the contr
Ep.6- 'Never Enough' with Claire Fealy
Exploring the Fear beneath Perfectionism and High AchievementIn this deep dive, Podcast Host & Mindset Coach Claire Fealy joins me to unpack the fear that hides beneath high achievement and perfectionism, and how we can begin to heal what's really driving it. We identify the inner critc and discuss the hidden beliefs driving our anxiety, how fear often masks deeper emotional wounds, and w
Ep.5- Empathy Without Enmeshment
If you grew up in a narcissistic or emotionally chaotic household, chances are you were taught to feel for others, but not for yourself. In this episode, we’re unpacking what empathy actually is, why it often gets distorted in dysfunctional families, and how to reclaim it as something healthy, mutual, and safe.We explore the three different types of empathy, how it becomes weaponised or used again
Ep.4- The Invisible Wounds of Childhood
In this solo episode, I'm exploring the invisible wounds that form in childhood when you're raised in dysfunctional or narcissistic family systems — ranging from hyper-dependence to hyper-independence — and how these patterns follow us into adulthood. I’ll also talk about the roots of these behaviours, including parentification and unhealthy parental dynamics, and offer ways to begin cha
Ep.3- ‘External Control’ with Adele Martelle (Part 2)
Control is everywhere, often disguised as protection, tradition or morality! This is part 2 with Adele Martelle, where we're unpacking the subtle and not-so-subtle way control operates with society and religion. From rigid belief systems to social expectations that suppress individuality, we explore how control can disconnect us from our inner knowing, limit personal freedom and keep entire c
Ep.2- 'How to Build Trust' with Adele Martelle (Part 1)
How do we lose touch with who we really are?This week I am delighted to be joined by Adele Martelle, who specialises in treating complex CPTSD and Religious Trauma. In part one, we dive into how early attachment dynamics can lead us to disconnect from our needs, our instincts and our inner knowing. We'll explore how survival often meant adapting, people-pleasing, or self-abandoning, and what
Ep.1 - 'Coercive Control' with Ann Larkin
In this powerful episode I’m joined by Ann Larkin, CEO from Women's Aid Dundalk, to explore the insidious nature of coercive control in romantic relationships. We discuss how coercive control can look in everyday life, the emotional and psychological tactics abusers use to maintain power, and why it’s so often misunderstood or overlooked. Whether you're looking to understand your own exp
Introduction
In this first episode, I’m introducing Beyond Survival – The Therapy Podcast and sharing more about who this space is for and what you can expect from future episodes.I’ll tell you a little bit about myself, my work as a psychotherapist, and the common patterns I’ve seen in people who grew up in emotionally immature, narcissistic parents & dysfunctional families — many of whom don’t realise ho
