They Mess You Up with Dr. Ciara Kelly and Dr. Richard Hogan
A weekly podcast series presented by family doctor and broadcaster, Dr. Ciara Kelly and family psychotherapist and author, Dr. Richard Hogan. They Mess You Up is a straight-talking show that unpacks messy, everyday relationship and mental-health issues with a mix of clinical perspective, personal anecdotes and wry, no-nonsense banter. They cover topics from affairs, jealousy and people-pleasing to anxiety, parenting and dating after separation, with practical takeaways framed by the hosts' professional experience. The show is a pragmatic guide to why people hurt each other - and themselves.
Episodes
Perfectionism
Ever feel pressure to be perfect? Ciara and Richard explore the anxiety behind perfectionism, where it comes from, and how to stop tying your self-worth to getting everything right. They Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan, taking on the issues people struggle with behind closed doors. Follow the pod and get in touch by sending a message on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPodNe
Messy Bits…Are Dating Apps Dirt?!
A listener has had enough of dating apps and wants some advice. Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod
Messy Bits... Boundaries with in-laws
Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod
Intrusive Thoughts
Why do we have thoughts that horrify us? And what do they actually mean? Ciara and Richard explain why intrusive thoughts can be so distressing, why having one doesn't mean you want to act on it, and how to stop getting caught in the cycle.They Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan, taking on the issues people struggle with behind closed doors. Follow the pod and get in touch
Messy Bits... Why Do I Want Other Men?
Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod
School Avoidance
When anxiety makes going to school feel impossible, how do you break the cycle of avoidance? Ciara and Richard discuss school refusal, anxiety, and how parents and schools can help young people find their way back.They Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan, taking on the issues people struggle with behind closed doors. Follow the pod and get in touch by sending a message on In
Messy Bits... Functioning Alcoholic
Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod
AI Relationships
AI is becoming more than a tool, for some people, it's a friend, confidant or even a romantic partner. Ciara and Richard explore why we're turning to AI for connection and validation, and what that could mean for our mental health, relationships and children.They Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan, taking on the issues people struggle with behind closed doors. Follow the po
Messy Bits... Red Flags or Fussy?
Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod
Are You Dealing With a Narcissist?
Narcissism is a term we throw around a lot, but what actually makes someone a narcissist? Ciara and Richard look at narcissistic personality disorder, how it plays out in families and relationships, and the red flags to watch for.They Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan, taking on the issues people struggle with behind closed doors. Follow the pod and get in touch by sending
Messy Bits... Is this it?
Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod
No Regrets?
Is regret useful, or does it just keep us stuck in the past? Ciara and Richard explore the choices, missed opportunities and “what ifs” that can haunt us, and whether sometimes the biggest regret is the thing we didn't do.They Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan, taking on the issues people struggle with behind closed doors. Follow the pod and get in touch by sending a messa
Messy Bits... Toxic Boss
Messy Bits... The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod
CAO: You’re Not Your Points
CAO results day can feel like the future has been decided by a single set of points for students and parents alike. But what happens when you don’t get the course you wanted? Ciara and Richard talk about disappointment, alternative routes and the very non-linear paths that can lead to a career and a life you never originally planned.They Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan, takin
Messy Bits... Introverts
Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod
The One That Got Away
Why do we romanticise the person we didn't end up with? Ciara and Richard explore the “one that got away”, why our memories can make the past look better than it was, and whether we’re missing the person or the life we imagined with them.They Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan, taking on the issues people struggle with behind closed doors. Follow the pod and get in touch by
Messy Bits...ADHD & Marriage
Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod
Adult Kids at Home
More adult children are living at home for longer, but how do you live with your kids when they're no longer kids? Ciara and Richard discuss rent, rules, partners staying over, boundaries and how to make it work without driving each other mad.They Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan, taking on the issues people struggle with behind closed doors. Follow the pod and get in tou
Messy Bits... Cold Feet? Or something more?
Messy Bits: The weekly bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram message @TheyMessYouUpPod
Are We Too Soft?
Are we becoming less resilient or just more open about our struggles? Ciara and Richard discuss discomfort, resilience, parenting, and whether protecting ourselves from life's challenges is doing more harm than good.Follow the pod and get in touch by sending a message on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPodThey Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan, taking on the issues people struggle with
Messy Bits... Body Shaming
Messy Bits: The weekly bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram message @TheyMessYouUpPod
Is Monogamy Outdated?
Is monogamy still realistic or are we expecting too much from one person? Ciara and Richard discuss open relationships, affairs, lifelong commitment, and whether monogamy still has a place in modern life.
Messy Bits... Sister Envy
Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod
Going Sober...giving up the drink.
Choosing not to drink in Ireland can be harder than it sounds. Ciara and Richard discuss sober curiosity, social pressure, and why saying "no thanks" can make other people surprisingly uncomfortable.Follow the pod and get in touch by sending a message on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPodThey Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan, taking on the issues people struggle with behind closed do
Messy Bits... Husband's Opposing Opinions
Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod
When Attraction Fades
Long-term love changes but does that mean attraction has to? Ciara and Richard discuss intimacy, resentment, communication, and why laughter might be one of the most overlooked parts of a healthy relationship.Follow the pod and get in touch by sending a message on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPodThey Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan, taking on the issues people struggle with behind
Messy Bits... The Cheating DMs
Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod
Financial Stress
Debt, rising bills, unequal incomes... Money has a way of creeping into every part of life.Ciara and Richard discuss financial stress, the arguments it causes, and why fairness matters more than splitting everything 50/50.Follow the pod and get in touch by sending a message on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPodThey Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan, taking on the issues people struggl
Messy Bits....Falsely Accused?
Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod
The Single Life
Not everyone wants a relationship but society still treats being single like something that needs fixing. Ciara and Richard discuss the pressure to find "the one," choosing to stay single, and whether a relationship is really the measure of a successful life.Follow the pod and get in touch by sending a message on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPodThey Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan
Messy Bits... Wandering Eye
Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod
Burn Out: Running On Empty
Feeling exhausted, cynical, irritable, or like you're barely keeping your head above water? It could be more than stress. Ciara and Richard discuss burnout, how it develops, and what we can do before it takes over.Follow the pod and get in touch by sending a message on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPodThey Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan, taking on the issues people struggle with b
Messy Bits...Lonely Dad
Messy Bits: The bonus episode where Ciara and Richard tackle your dilemmas, questions and messages. Send yours to us via Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod
They Mess You Up Recommend: GoLoud Sleep Sounds
Hi everyone - just dropping in between episodes here with a recommendation to help address a massive psychological issue that can actively wrecking your mental health: your terrible sleep hygiene.Lying awake at 3:00 AM overanalysing your life fuels anxiety, drives stress, and destabilises your mood. If you find it difficult nodding off, or just want to relax and actively down-regulate your nervous
The Weight of Shame
From dyslexia and aging to sexuality and trauma, shame can leave people carrying burdens that were never theirs to begin with. Ciara and Richard discuss where shame comes from, how it takes hold, and what it takes to let it go.Follow the pod and get in touch by sending a message on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPodThey Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan, taking on the issues people st
Modern Love: The Listener Survey
Would you check your partner's phone? Does messaging someone else count as cheating? Ciara and Richard dive into the results of a listener survey on trust, infidelity, dating apps, and modern relationships.Follow the pod and get in touch by sending a message on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPodThey Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan, taking on the issues people struggle with behind cl
Friendship Breakups
Friendship breakups can feel just as painful as romantic ones but we rarely talk about them.Ciara and Richard discuss rejection, awkwardness, shared friend groups, and why losing a friend can hit harder than people expect.Follow the pod and get in touch by sending a message on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPodThey Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan, taking on the issues people struggl
Coming Out Later in Life
Why do some people hide their sexuality for decades? Ciara and Richard unpack shame, fear, homophobia, and the emotional cost of living a life that doesn’t fully feel like your own.After Tommy Fleming’s interview with Ciara on Newstalk, where he discussed his sexuality and decision to come out at 55, they explore identity, secrecy, family expectations, and why it’s never too late to be honest abou
F*ck Around & Find Out (Parenting)
Ciara and Richard discuss “FAFO or F*ck Around and Find Out parenting,” how letting kids make mistakes might be better than stepping in to fix everything.Follow the pod and get in touch by sending a message on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPodThey Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan, taking on the issues people struggle with behind closed doors. New episode every Wednesday.
Blended Families: The Biggest Mistakes to Avoid
Trying to merge two families can create tension, resentment, and pressure for both parents and children. In this episode, Ciara and Richard unpack the emotional reality of blended families and why forcing closeness too quickly can backfire.Follow the pod and get in touch by sending a message on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPodThey Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan, taking on the iss
Career Change: Taking the Leap
Is it too late to change your career? Or are you just afraid to try? In this episode career shifts, fear of failure, and the pressure to stay where you are. Ciara and Richard share their own career changes and how to make realistic moves towards work that feels fulfilling.Follow the pod and get in touch by sending a message on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPodThey Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr
Can We Get Back Together? (Listener Dilemma)
After ending a long-term relationship in a moment of grief and low mood, a listener is left questioning everything when her ex moves on quickly.Ciara and Richard unpack whether it’s betrayal or consequence and what it takes to rebuild a relationship once it’s been broken.Follow the pod and get in touch by sending a message on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPodThey Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr
Co-Parenting Mistakes: Stop Putting Kids in the Middle
It’s often children who carry the emotional fallout when parents separate, especially when conflict, name-calling, and resentment take over.Ciara and Richard unpack the co-parenting behaviours that do real damage, and how to protect children from being caught in the middle.Follow the pod and get in touch by sending a message on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPodThey Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and D
Sibling Rivalry & Resentment
Why do siblings trigger us more than anyone else? Relationships can be shaped by comparison, labels, and family roles that follow us into adulthood.In this episode, Ciara and Richard Hogan unpack sibling rivalry, “family boxes,” and how to build healthier, more connected relationships at any age.Follow the pod and get in touch by sending a message on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPodThey Mess You Up, wi
Staying After an Affair
From betrayal and secrecy to rebuilding trust, communication, and a sense of self. Follow the pod and get in touch on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPodThey Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan - taking on the issues that people struggle with behind closed doors. New episode every Wednesday.
Mental Health Influencers
How online mental health content is shaping how we think and feel - and the risks when complex issues are oversimplified or widely shared.Follow the pod and get in touch on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPodThey Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan - taking on the issues that people struggle with behind closed doors. New episode every Wednesday.
Breaking up is hard to do!
Ciara and Richard explore what makes a “good” breakup, why it can be so painful, and how to end a relationship with less conflict and hurt.Follow the pod on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod where you can also send a DM.They Mess You Up, with Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan - taking on the issues that people struggle with behind closed doors. New episode every Wednesday.
Negative News Overload
How constant exposure to bad news affects our mental health, and how to set boundaries without switching off completely.Follow the pod on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod where you can also get in touch.They Mess You Up - Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan take on the issues that people struggle with behind closed doors. New episode every Wednesday.
ADHD: Strengths and Struggles
From inattention and impulsivity to time blindness and overwhelm, Ciara Kelly and Richard Hogan explore the challenges of ADHD, the strengths it can bring, and how structure and support can help.Follow the pod on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod where you can also get in touch via DM.They Mess You Up! Taking on the issues that people struggle with behind closed doors.New episode every Wednesday.
Grief: Life After Loss
After a personal loss, Ciara and Richard explore the reality of grief. How it ebbs and flows, why no two losses feel the same, and the complex emotions that follow. What helps in the early weeks and how to find connection while living with loss.Follow the pod on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod where you can also get in touch.They Mess You Up! Taking on the issues that people struggle with behind close
Loneliness in Modern Life
Exploring loneliness - why it can feel like physical pain, the stigma around admitting it, who is most affected and the small, practical steps that can make a difference.Follow the pod on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod where you can also get in touch.They Mess You Up! Taking on the issues that people struggle with behind closed doors.New episode every Wednesday.
Kids Online - Access & Protection
The impact of technology on children - from harmful content pushed by algorithms to material on eating disorders and self-harm. Ciara and Richard discuss regulation, big tech, and simple steps parents can take, including keeping phones out of bedrooms at night!Follow the pod on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod where you can also get in touch.They Mess You Up! Taking on the issues that people struggle w
Drama Kings & Queens
People who turn every situation into a crisis! Dealing with dramatic people is the topic this week. Dr Ciara Kelly and Dr Richard Hogan look at why some people rely on drama, how it affects those around them, and how to protect your own peace without getting pulled into the chaos.Follow the pod on Instagram @TheyMessYouUpPod where you can also get in touch.They Mess You Up! Taking on the issues th
Help - I don't like my kids!
A topic few people talk about: when a parent doesn’t like their child. In this episode Dr. Richard Hogan and Dr. Ciara Kelly explore why this can happen, from personality clashes to deeper issues. They look at how emotional distance and constant criticism affect a child’s self-esteem and ability to trust. And dig into what’s really behind these difficult parent child dynamics. Follow the pod
When Sex Disappears
They Mess You Up is back with a new series, taking on the issues that people struggle with behind closed doors. In this first episode of the series, Dr. Richard Hogan and Dr. Ciara Kelly talk about Sexless Marriages; why they happen, how intimacy can quietly disappear and why they’re more common than people think! They dig into stress, health and poor communication and discuss what really hel
S1. Episode 10 - Technology & Adolescence
In this thought-provoking and final episode of season 1, Dr. Richard Hogan and Dr. Ciara Kelly delve into the complex world of technology and its impact on adolescents. With the ubiquitous presence of smartphones, they explore the challenges parents face in guiding their children through this digital landscape, where connection often comes with isolation and heightened anxiety. Join them as they
S1. Episode 9 - The New Year
In the first episode of 2025, Dr. Ciara Kelly and Dr. Richard Hogan dive into the topic of New Year's resolutions and the futility of punitive self-improvement goals. They discuss the high failure rates of common resolutions and why setting oneself up for a "new year, new me" can lead to feelings of hopelessness. Instead of purging negative habits, Ciara and Richard advocate for the power of pos
S1. Episode 8 - Surviving Christmas
In this festive Christmas special, Dr. Ciara Kelly and Dr. Richard Hogan tackle the often challenging dynamics of family gatherings. Whether you're returning home to your parents or hosting your in-laws, the pressure can be intense.
Join Ciara and Richard as they explore the emotional layers of Christmas, touching on childhood roles and family expectations that can resurface during the holidays.
S1. Episode 7 - Sex Addiction
In this revealing episode, Dr. Ciara Kelly and Dr. Richard Hogan shine a light on the often-taboo subject of sex addiction. They discusses the emotional isolation and shame that accompany this hidden struggle, sharing real experiences and insights into its deeper roots, often linked to childhood trauma. Join Ciara and Richard as they explore the complexities of sexual compulsions, the impact on r
S1. Episode 6 - Narcissism
In this eye-opening episode, Dr. Ciara Kelly and Dr. Richard Hogan tackle a subject that affects many: narcissism. With an influx of emails from listeners, Ciara and Richard delve into the nuances of narcissistic behavior, exploring how it permeates our relationships with family, friends, partners, and colleagues. The duo breaks down the traits of narcissism, the impact it has on others, and the
S1. Episode 5 - Dating
Dr. Ciara Kelly and Dr. Richard Hogan discuss the intricate world of dating, especially for those re-entering the scene after a long-term relationship, divorce, or loss. They address the fears and anxieties surrounding the prospect of finding love again, shedding light on the emotional baggage we often carry with us. Join Ciara and Richard as they tackle societal pressures, the dynamics of body c
S1. Episode 4 - Jealousy and Envy
In this episode, Dr. Ciara Kelly and Dr. Richard Hogan dive into the complicated emotions of jealousy and envy—feelings we all experience but often hesitate to admit. They unpack the essential differences between jealousy, the fear of losing something you have, and envy, the desire for something you don’t. With insightful anecdotes, the duo sheds light on how these emotions stem from our early att
S1. Episode 3 - Anxiety
This week, Ciara and Richard tackle the pervasive issue of anxiety—truly the epidemic of our time. They dive into the layers of anxiety, discussing what it is, why we experience it, and how to manage it effectively. Learn about the normalcy of feeling anxious and the ways to challenge that internal monologue that often perpetuates distress. With practical insights and relatable anecdotes, the pai
S1. Episode 2 - People Pleasing
In this episode, Dr. Ciara Kelly and Dr. Richard Hogan dive deep into the complex world of people pleasing. They explore its roots, unraveling the neuroscience behind why so many of us struggle to say no, often at our own expense. As they discuss the damaging effects of this behavior—particularly for women in pivotal roles like the eldest daughter—they reveal how it leads to resentment and burno
S1. Episode 1 - Affairs
In this first ever episode - Ciara and Richard tackle the messy, sensitive and taboo topic of affairs.
Trailer
A weekly podcast series presented by family doctor and broadcaster, Dr. Ciara Kelly & family psychotherapist and author, Dr. Richard Hogan. They Mess You Up is a straight-talking show that unpacks messy, everyday relationship and mental-health issues with a mix of clinical perspective, personal anecdotes and wry, no-nonsense banter. They cover topics from affairs, jealousy and people
Recommended
Inflammation Nation
Your Time With James Sweetman
DJ Derek Burke
BuaCast
Fairy and Folk Tales of the Irish Peasantry
The Irish Occupational Therapy Podcast
No More Booze - The Podcast
The Creep Dive
Re:Energise from ESB
The Walsh Sisters: The Official Podcast
The Quinn Files
Learn Irish with Fexingo
